사랑 없어

The title doesn't mean anything, it's just a lyric HAHA

So I just watched 2NE1's 놀자 concert and it was so good, even though Jordan said it wasn't. I forgot how talented these four girls are!

Will this be when I go back to k-pop? I don't know. I mean started listening to the songs again, but I don't think I'll be staying dedicated to catch up with everything new. Korean entertainment updates itself too frequently and too fast.

I'll probably stick to the korean music that was there when I was in love with it. And update myself with artists I love. And the ones Jordan makes me download..

Anyway, I started watching fancams of Minji and Taeyang performing Look Only At Me because for some reason YG didn't put that in the DVD :-( It was so good!

So then I stumbled upon teasers for 2NE1's US debut album. And holy shit, they are gonna make it big. The songs are so good! They barely have an accent..well, from what I heard in the teasers. I can't wait for them to make their debut!

Oh and I forgot how much better korean ballads are than english ones :3

Nothing's wrong, so why does nothing feel right?

Super late update!

8th

It was Alex's 16th, so we went to Bondi for the day. Going to the beach always meant waking up early, so that was definitely hell. And it started raining around 8, bummed me so much. I felt cold! I still ended up wearing a sleeveless top and shorts though.

I picked Julie up and met the others at the station, a lot of people were late, was probably expectant though. Oh well, when everyone was there we met Sarah at Fairfield and we went to Bondi. The train trip this time was okay, everyone was too tired to really do anything.

We stayed at Bondi for around 3 hours cause we had to get back for the BBQ. The beach was pretty fun, I jumped waves again. The sun came out and hid behide the clouds a lot, but I ended up getting a bikini tan anyway.. So sad, everyone teases me about it!

I don't remember the trip back, but we got back to Cabra and I went to Malika's first and threw my things at her place. By the time we walked to Alex's, it started raining. It was so humid though!

The night was okay I guess. Malika and I had our usual time together, as we do at most parties. I  always love spending time with her! By the time we got back to everyone else, the drinks had come out. Not many people drank though, I took a shot, but that was it.

Stevan got smashed and lifted the atmosphere, such a retard. After a while, I carried Wendy and whe made me run around in the rain. She's so cute! Oh my goddd, she's grown so much from the last time I saw her! My arms started shaking afterwards though, oh well!

I went home at around 10, since I had to take Julie home as well. Would have stayed longer, but oh well.

Oh yeah, I got seasons 4 and 5 of Desperate Housewives that day as well! :$

10th

I went to Vivian's for her pasta HAHAHAH :$ So yummehhhh! We watched Cheaper by the Dozen as well, Malika fell asleep since she threw an all nighter. While she slept, Vivian and I took luvos on each other's phones. We looked beautiful :$ After that, we just lazed around talking and they both started teasing me! :-( It was a fun day, a girls day in, haven't had one in so long! :3

11th

I was supposed to stay home today, but Phi talked me into going for yum cha. I was so lazy for it! We ended up eating leftovers :-( But oh my god, chicken feeeeeeet! Love that stuff! It totalled up to $58.40. Those fags tricked me again by saying they didn't bring money when they did :-( Those fags as in Phi, Alex and Kevin. Stupid brodas!

After that, we went to the fro yo place, so yummyyyy! And cheap! And I'm going again today hehe :$

We walked back to my plave and we played 13 until they went home. Pretty fun to play 13 with them. They laugh at me cause I can't do a push up! Malika managed to read all od Meridian while we played HAHAH That girl's a machine!

12th

Nothing happened today, but Truong started again. I didn't go to the last lesson cause it was the formal night. I am so lost, it isn't even funny! The class went over homework questions for an hour and 15 minutes and I just stared at the board like a lost kid. I already hate 3 unit! I really don't think I'll be able to cope.

Gotta try though, I can't stop now!

Change

I just read a blog post of my friend's about how much life has changed. And how she couldn't talk to anyone about it, her suppressed and mixed feelings about these changes. For one, I felt bad because I'm fairly close to her, but I know there are things you don't feel like you can tell anyone. Two, it got me paranoid that it might be directing towards me. And three, life has changed, so much..

Within a year, my life has change so much. But it always does, every time a new year approaches, I always think back at how much my life has changed within that year. Last year, I was crushing on someone I knew I could never be with. I was also a part of a bond which I thought was unbreakable. I was a part of a group whose bonds were extremely strong. I had a boy I could turn to. I was still in the midst of holding my longest grudge. I couldn't speak a word to my first ex. I completely forgot about my second. 

A year later I don't even remember what it feels like to have a crush on someone. That giddy feeling when they talk to you. When you feel like you're soaring. Your heart skips a beat. The corners of your mouth begin to curve up without even knowing it. Fantasising about the scenarios of what could happen if they returned your feelings. Yeah, I don't know what it feels like anymore. Then again, I like it this way, I don't need romance in my life, I don't want it.

That bond, it was with three other girls. And I know that every who's reading my blog most likely knows who I'm talking about. Our bond grew initially from year 7, and it grew stronger and stronger. And last year, it was especially strong. It was like nothing could pull us apart. And everyone knew that. No one dared to try to break us up, and if someone did, we could always feel it and we would talk to each other about it. It made our friendship just that much more stronger. A year later, it's not as strong. Honestly, I don't even know if it's there anymore.. I would like that assurance we gave each other, but hey, things change.

My group, I have heard from other people that our friendship is one that is hard to find and maintain throughout high school. I remember when I wanted to move schools, my year advisor told me I was never going to find a group of friends like them again. I knew he was right. We get criticised a lot, but the thing is, we couldn't care less. Because we know how we feel towards each other. That's what always lets us pull through. A year later, I can feel us walking away. I know we were bound to separate anyway, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. I mean, we still go out together and everything, but it's obvious that it's not the same, it's weaker.

That boy, I can still consider him my best friend. But it's definitely not the same. We used to talk every single day, every minute we were both on. It was what we did, talk and talk and talk. I could just spill my feelings out to him and he would be so so supportive and understanding. A year later, we don't talk every day. We don't talk every minute. I don't spill my feelings to him. He doesn't spill his feelings to me. It's not the same, but it's not a friendship I'm letting go of either.

My biggest grudge. I held that in for about two years. I hated his guts. I mean, he got hit because of me. And I know I'm not proud of that. A year later, our friendship is restored. Surprising myself even, I find him so easy to talk to. And he finds it the same towards me. If anyone didn't know better, they would have no idea that we hated each other's guts for about two years. There's always a bit I can't let go of though. It's there. It always will be.

My first ex, wow. I couldn't speak a word to him! I didn't hate him that time, but it was just plain awkward. I found him weird. I didn't think that in a few months time, we would actually become good friends. Now, nearly a year later, when I see him, something tugs onto me and lets me know that I can look up to him as a brother. He has a protective vibe to him. It's assuring. And hey, he's head over heels for a girl who I've known my whole life so she's family, how am I not supposed to be good friends with him?

I always found my second ex to be a touchy subject. A lot of speculation went around about us, but I didn't care. It was a special time for me. It's a shame that we completely lost contact. A year later, I regret the last time we spoke, how I acted. It wasn't something I'm proud of. I want to catch up with him and his brother, since we were close. He made me feel special. Happy. 

On another note, I know this post is really deep. And this will probably be the deepest post I will ever make. I just felt like writing it. I don't care what negative responses there are to this. I really don't. Because for some of the touchier ones, I know I'm not alone on it. And yes, I know this will probably be spoken about, but whatever.

Update!

4th

I went to Bondi beach with Lisa, Anna, April, Sarah, Phi, Putijak, Alex, Brian, Scott and Kelvin! So, I planned to meet up with Alex and Putijak at 8:30 at Cabra station cause some people were meeting at Fairfield. I didn't know there were going to be more people meeting there, but I bumped into Lisa at the police station so we walked it together! We bought a ticket to Bondi Junction..yeah, that was a mistake. So we took the bus to Fairfield and met up with the others.

We stopped at..Redfern(?), I don't know, I forgot. The train trip was hilarious! I slapped Lisa, hehehe! And I slapped Alex as well. And Lisa kept cupping my boobs! I don't know why I'm friends with her either. We hopped onto another train towards Bondi Junction, and when we got there, we had to buy our bus ticket to the beach, and that was $4.20! So, the group who met at Cabra ended up spending $10.80 on the ticket.. How sad. The Fairfield group caught the first bus to Bondi, so we met up at the beach.

The beach was pretty packed! I wasn't planning on wearing a bikini, but I felt left out, the boys said they wouldn't care if I'm fat, and the girls kept on urging me too, so I wore one! I felt really insecure at first, but then I didn't care after a while. I also wasn't planning on going into the water, but I ended up going in as well. It was heaps fun though, I love jumping the waves!

We went back to just chill on the sand for a while, and I was laying down on my towel, and Alex, thinking he's funny, poured sand on my tummy! Lisa did the same afterwards as well! After that, we chilled, played 13, and chilled some more. I went back into the water once more, and after that we all just chilled again.

At around 4 - 5, a sudden gust of strong wind blew and the sand blew along with it. The sand was so painful against our skin! Oh my gosh, it was so annoying. I thought it would end soon, but it did not stop at all! I ended up covering myself neck to toe with my towel. It was freakin' painful! Such a bad way to end the day at the beach!

So, we went to change and all, and oh my gosh, the toilets stank so bad! I felt like vomiting! Urgh, I hate beach restrooms! We hopped back on the bus and back to the station, blah blah, and apparently Alex said some guy was checking me out. I saw him looking back at me, but it didn't hit me that he was checking me out. I think I'm becoming more dopey..

The train trip back to Cabra was hilarious! I love train trips, they're usually the best part of the day. Kelvin got stuck between the seats. Alex swore at the train. Kelvin was being stupid. Putijak put his legs around Kelvin's neck. Phi MMS-ed everyone photos of that trip, such a good time!

When we got back to Cabra, we went to eat at Dong Ba. I had crispy noodles with combination. It was so nice! I didn't have it for so long! I didn't finish it though, Phi and Kelvin helped me. I said something, and Putijak threw a tissue at me, and I aimed it back at Putijak..but, it hit Phi's hea and rebounded into his food! HAHAHAHHAH! It was soup too! And he wasn't finished, woops.. It was a great laugh though!

I got home at around 9, and I found out that I was burnt under my boobs, my shoulder and a bit on my chest. And a bit on my face. But when I woke up, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was.

5th
There's only one significant thing that happened that day. I finished season 3 of Desperate Housewives and I can't find a link that is in sync for season 4! So I have to wait for Malika to come over and give me the rest of Desprerate Housewives. So I started watching 7th Heaven. It's pretty food so far! I've been wanting to watch it for a while, and I finally am!

6th

I went to Julie's place today. It's always nice to spend time with her! She got more tan! Yayy! She is so white! We didn't do much, just chilled. Then we went Super Dish with her family and Jimmy's family, oh my gosh, the food was so oily and sickening! Yuck!

After dinner, we went to Jenny's place. I haven't been there in what feels like a million years! We chilled outside on the sofa talking. Pretty good talk, and funny too!

I recently discovered an artist and I am in love with her music! It's definitely not everyone's favourite taste in music, but hey, I'm weird. Her name's Kimbra, I highly doubt many people will like her music. She's just so unique and so is her music! My favourite song from her is Cameo Lover, also the first song I heard from her!

I think this is all I have to update my blog with..if not, I'll post again later!

2012

It's 2012, oh my godddd, it's senior year now! I gotta get my game together this year. My cousin's expecting me to do well, everyone in my family is! I'm so dumb as well, stupid high expectations, makes my life hard. Oh well, quick recap of 2011

• I made amends with Johnny, oh my god, still pretty unbelievable HAHA
• I became closer with Putijak, yeahh! :D
• I drifted from my group, actually everyone drifted, we're barely together
• I grew closer to Tiff again!
• I grew closer to Alan, Vuong, Johnathon, Ek and Srecko
• I drifted from Jordan, but we're still best friends :D
• I'm a lot healthier, not as much as I was in the beginning of the year though
• I went Korea and met some cute boys :$
• I met Lily! ^^
• Lost a few friendships
• I wasn't completely sad all year! :'D
• My life became hella boring

That's all I can think of, I have a boring life :$ I always make new year's resolutions and they never happen, but what the hell, I'm gonna make them again :D

• Become more organised! I purchased a fat diary this year to keep myself organised, I hope I follow it!
• No social networking sites on weekdays until after I finished my homework. Or not at all! God, this is gonna fail so badly..
• Read more! I've been slacking off a lot and my English has dropped dramatically!
• Be happy with my body. I've been working out, but I haven't been eating right lately. I need to start again HAHAH I'm a blob :$
• Stop spending money so much, I'm the biggest money spender you'll ever meet! Mainly because I'm not allowed to buy cheap items, I buy expensive high quality items that will last a while AHAHAH
• Get myself a job! Or I can wait until I'm 18 and work at Costco.. Nah, that's too long :(
• Improve my maths skills.. Oh my god, I suck and I hate maths and I'm doing 3 unit..
• Stop being so uptight! I already told Putijak I want to be carefree and he encouraged me, so yeah, I'm not going to care what people think of me and do whatever I want!

That's about it! :D I hope 2012 is a joyous year! For everyone!

I'm going to quickly summarise the past few days. In dot points :D

30th

• Malika came over
• We went DFO + Costco
• Spent $33 at Dotti
• We bought the same items - aztec top, white tee, navy tee (I also bought grey socks)
• Spent $27.50 in Cotton On - two bikini tops, a bikini bottom and a blue top
• Malika bought the blue top as well :D
• Spent $20 at Factorie - coral aztec collared sheer top
• Yes, Malika bought that too :D
• Spent like $80 altogether..
• Wanted this lilac sweater in Mossman, I don't know why I didn't buy it
• We went Costco
• We ate, and roamed around
• Vivian, Putijak, Phi, Kevin and Sarah came around
• They convinced me into making the NYE party
• Stayed till 10

31st

• Completely forgot I was making the NYE party when I woke up
• Watched more Desperate Housewives
• Went to Liverpool
• Bought $300 Versace sunglasses (they were on sale okay?! And my Marc Jacobs ones were sold! :()
• Alex and Kevin were first to come over
• They tried my clothes on, they looked pretty :)
• Vivian, Sarah and Putijak came afterwards
• Then everyone else came
• Ordered 7 pizzas for $70
• Thrashed them all
• Walked around the street a million times until midnight
• Pretty shit get together, but it felt nice walking around at night